We say Walmart like Kleenex

We’ve docked in LA and I have to go to Walmart today, amongst seeing the city for the first time. That just sounds pathetic. A friend is picking me up at port about an hour away from Hollywood and we’ll hit up breakfast (#2), see LA, then Walmart…We say Walmart like Kleenex. I have a British friend aboard who laughed when I told him I was getting off the ship to go to Walmart. I’m sure it’s not that Walmart is too low for him, as he’s not a hauty guy. He just thought it funny I should mention Walmart in particular as a necessary destination. I didn’t mean Walmart – though, as I thought about the items I need, I lustfully pictured its vast familiar well-labeled aisles, myself sailing down the smooth linolium, wind in my hair atop my oversized steed of a cart, piling in the discounts with a sinful excitement – I really just meant a supermarket.

This British guy I spoke of, Barry, has made good friends with the band and myself. He was onboard with his parents during the last cruise when he decided, ‘what the hell..mightaswell stay on for the next leg’. He’s quickly become one of us, which is good, as he is developing a pilot for a new tv series based on life aboard a cruiseship. For the vast amount of material we gave him, I feel as though we ought to be paid…I’m expecting my character to be played by Matt Damon, but as it’s his first pilot, I expect Peter Sarsgard will have to do. We don’t discuss his work, as he is, in effect, on vacation, but I’ve no doubt he’s finding out as much dirt as he could ever want. Shiplife is a warm stew of interesting…guests and crew alike. He tells me only a handful of his acquired stories and suddenly I feel like a forgettable saint.

Luckily, I've left an unintended legacy with my superior poker skills. On the paddletennis courts Barry and I were the British-American Alliance, but head-to-head in late night Texas Hold'em I'm all heritage. We couldn't find chips, so we used roomservice grapes:






...still going at 6am to watch the...


...sun rise over a Mexican ocean...